Tim! Where have you been!?!?!?

Asks anyone that knows me. I've been around, I'll say. But lets keep it at games.
So Psychonauts came out. I swear tomorrow that I'm going to pick it up. I came really close to buying it the other day, and I blame it on circumstance and money. Obviously I'm poor, which is why I'm never able to talk about the any game that hasn't been on the market for 6 to 7 months. Speaking of which, I played this new game called Halo 2. It's awesome. They have planes. And I'm joking.
The real reason I didn't buy it lies in vanity. I was at Electronic Boutique (that's right, it's a BOUTIQUE. Let's not try and make it sound cool with initials.) and I didn't want to have to speak with the employees. I've only been in there once since the PSP came out, and it's straight fact that I don't give two shits about hardware. For me, it's all the software. The games. The cheap games that people bought for 8 bucks, but still couldn't find the will to hold on to.
I've been playing Day of the Tentacle to try and keep my spirits high. It's working alright, but the game is so large it reminds me of Monkey Island 2. I had problems with either game, only that puzzles are difficult enough when you have 4 items and 5 locations. 23 items and 63 locations is a little hard to keep you in touch. It really just makes me feel lost. Thinking back to the Secret of Monkey Island, and continous actions texts like "use chicken with pulley on plant", "use chicken with pulley on grass", "use chicken with pulley on pirate". Of course in that case, jokes only came out of the lack of clues. Entire comedy bits, each leveling "Who's on first?"
While I was there I saw Obscure. I wanna check it out. I'll wait for someone like me to buy it the first round though, and then sell it for something else that seems ideally and conceptually inventive, and then I'll pick up his copy, and return it to the cycle until one day it's still be sold at a boutique for 27.99, because buying old shitty games for laughs comes up again. This is the reason that I can't buy Barbie licensed games for PS1 at Gamestop now.
Anyway, co-op anything is brilliant to me, although the idea of co-op is probably older than me. It just seems so inventive every time someone uses it, because 1 out of 20 games support it. While any game that game that has the square or X button bound to reload has multiplayer. So competitive. We work so hard to keep our kill/death ratio just above UeatBA115acs, which is probably some kid that relies on multiplayer voice chat to feed his Maslows need for love and acceptance. However he achieves this link with phrases like "I could beat you at Halo, let's play Halo!" or "Mother SHIT!" I still can't believe that when I cancelled Live that they asked me why, and expected me to say something other than "I hate kids."
Co-op brings people together. Mostly. With Contra it can tear you apart. Think of it as a friendship test machine. If no punches are thrown at the Waterfall level, then you've got a keeper.
And last, I'm still playing Snake Eater over and over. I'm working on beating the game every way there is. I'm trying to get items that are merely jokes. Jokes that are on you, for playing the game 60 hours in attempt to recieve these items. I don't get like this often, it's a good feeling.
I've been watching speed demos too. I watched someone beat Mario 3 in under 12 minutes. Who knew you could kill Bowser with fireballs. I'll tell you one thing, my 10+ year old Nintendo Power strategy guide doesn't mention it. Michael says it's a fake, or so he's heard from various entries. I'd believe it, but it's still amazing to watch. It's like watching a Kung Fu movie, but more visceral and real. Strange that statement is made about a video game, but it's a game that I own. A game that I know controls and have nearly memorized AI and levels. It's stuff you've thought about doing, but don't. Maybe can't. Which makes it that much better. On the opposing side, I'm watching a Megaman 2 demo, that is trying really hard to impress me, but failing. I don't know if it's speed that would impress me with the game, so much as not getting hit by anything. The game broke the law of the land, and gave you an energy bar, saving you from having to put 110% of yourself into the game. On the same hand, it always seemed very important, as I would always get hit by something, even it was obvious to me that I would be hit by it (it being a laser beam, or plasma bolt, or kitchen knife, or whatever Capcom could pull out of their ass to try and kill a robot.). Show me flawless, and I will show my jaw streching from my tongue to the floor.
And tomorrow, I'm going to have Psychonauts. And there will be peace for hopefully somewhere in the ballpark of ten hours.

-tim

"Robots are different than cyborgs."

After about ten hours of nothing but discussing game theory with anyone who would listen to me I am laying here reading my first issue of Edge. God bless Barnes and Noble.

wes

Haiku Reviews - Vol. I

Jade Empire
a rich, detailed world
KOTOR fans will be happy
story seems cut short


Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory
sneaking in the dark
you will find an awesome game
online still buggy


God of War
a mythical game
with action that does not end
difficult, but fun


NARC
make the hurting stop
doing drugs is not so fun
no custom soundtracks


TimeSplitters: Future Perfect
arcade shooter great
a better single-player
huge replay value


Phantom Dust
lucky this came out
card system, yet still fast paced
trade and fight on LIVE


Digital Devil Saga - Avatar Tuner
another SMT game
but this time you eat people
sequel out in June


- Will

A quick note before bed.

This is David Jaffe's blog he kept during the development of God of War. I wish I would have found out about it sooner seeing as how God of War is the greatest game I am not playing at the moment. But the blog is really telling about the nature of game development, especially when the game is as high-profile as God of War.

wes

In the Name of Love. (I'm clever.)

Driving home from work tonight I came upon a dead cat in the middle of the road surrounded by cats that were clawing at it. My eyes became teary but none fell. I remembered when I was five and I read Where the Red Fern Grows. That was a sad book man. It’s only important because I also remember that when I wasn’t reading the book I was playing River Raid on the Atari 2600 with my dad. Sometimes when things were getting a little too hairy we would throw in RC Pro Am. I miss both of those games. I have River Raid on my Activision Anthology disk. RC Pro Am is something I can play through other means, and have time from time. But I miss the brick controller. James told me there’s a RC Pro Am for the Gameboy, or maybe color, and I think I am going to try and track it down. James knows these things.

A couple of nights ago I wrote a completely fictional story about a girl who walked up to me in a game store and asked me what a nice game would be for her younger nephew. The girl in the story was attractive. Since it was my story she was attractive in the ways I would find a girl attractive. I will spare those details though. In the story she told me her nephew liked simple fighting style games and I immediately pointed out Virtua Quest. I then explained how it is a game done by one Yu Suzuki, the man who did Shenmue. Essentially I drove the girl away with my crazy game related jargon.

The reason the story never got posted is because I didn’t want to play to a stereotype. I don’t really think the stereotype exists the way it’s portrayed in movies and such. It probably does exist in some form, although it isn’t something I have dealt with personally. By buddy Jeff played Return to Castle Wolfenstein with me every single night for three months, eight hours at a time. VCR tapes lie in my room, and his, that contain us playing the game. We used those tapes to see where our strategies needed work. And of course to gloat over the things we did right. Jeff went on to marry a beautiful girl, one he cares about tremendously. I think they sit and play Donkey Konga with each other nightly. And he deserves that man. People who are so into a game that they tape themselves playing the game so they can figure out what they are doing wrong; those people need to marry pretty girls who like to sit down with their good natured boy and just play a game. Those are pretty thoughts. And those thoughts say more about me as a person than anything I write here about games, even in my self-indulgent ways.

I wonder how much it also says about me when a friend notices me noticing a girl he happens to work with. Am I that lonely? Is it that noticeable? It must be because right after we walked out, he immediately told me how cool the girl was, but then was quick to follow that up with, “She has a boyfriend though.” I wasn’t saddened by that at all. It made me laugh. Typical was the first thing I thought, but then I realized that it wasn’t typical at all because it really isn’t every day that I find a girl attractive. But it was ok. Everything is going to be ok.

Here in a couple of hours I hope to be knee deep in my own piss after Fatal Frame 2 forced said piss out of my bladder. First though, I think I am going to play some more co-op X-men Legends with my little brother. Little really isn’t the best description, he is younger, but he could also beat me up if he desired. He may be smarter than me too, but he certainly isn’t as clever. I did write a scholarship paper for him that he received. So I can always hang that over his head. I am fixing to write a story for a mobile game I thought up today at work. It’s a postmodern romp through an African jungle where you shoot aids infected monkeys. The player assumes the role of Bono from the music group U2. During one of his trips to Africa a monkey bites him, passing along the HIV virus, and he decides to get even. When the player arrives at the end of the game, it becomes known that Jose Conseco was the one behind the aids infected monkeys, he accidentally gave it to them through needle sharing when he was trying out a new form of steroids. Then the final showdown begins. The game would be made available for free, but donations would be accepted, but all the money would go to an aids charity of some sort. I don’t mean the game to be offensive, just satirical. And not about a satire on aids victims, but of Bono himself being so high and mighty and pretending to be a good charitable person, yet charges more than 250 dollars for a concert. Not that I would want to go anyway, but man do I know someone who does. Plus I am sure the Conseco commentary is self explanatory. Anyone interested in programming it for me? James? Matt? Anyone?

wes