On a Bad Hair Day
It had been two days after her twenty-third birthday that Alice clumsily, in the early morning hours, looked up into her bathroom mirror and was horrified by what she saw. Her hair, not unlike the snakes that represent hair for Medusa, was sticking straight out in every which way on top of her head. Depressed by the thought of going outside of her house looking like that, she filled her bathtub full of water.
To the best of her knowledge Alice had never considered herself suicidal until this moment and as she sat on the edge of the toilet, watching the tub fill with water, she wondered why this was. It wasn’t like her life was that great. After both her parents died when she was seventeen she had had nowhere else to turn to. She dropped out of school and got a job delivering cheaply made greeting cards to independently owned and operated businesses who would deal in such a thing. The work itself was easy and it paid like any easy job would, making her live paycheck to paycheck.
Being an orphan at age seventeen and having no one willing to take you in forcing you to go to work and make your own way would kill anyone’s social life, and Alice was no exception. Not that there had been a social life in place to begin with. And now Alice lived alone, in an apartment that had exactly one kitchen, bedroom and a small bathroom in which the tub was now full.
As Alice slowly lowered her fully clothed self into the uninviting cold water, her mind was completely blank. She plunged her face downwards and sucked in a mouthful of bath water. The sudden realization of the brashness of her decision came rushing to her, but Alice dared not to simply raise her head, saving herself from this self appointed fate. The face looking back at her from the mirror was still sharp in her mind; her sleepy eyes and that crazy hair. How could she possibly walk out of her house like that?
The water filled her lungs and she started trying to cough it back out to no avail. It was too late for poor Alice. All she could do was think of how deserving she was of her watery grave. A life with the ideas of happiness and community had been either unfairly taken from her, or had been traded away from her by some force greater than herself. She started to black out.
*******
The hands that had grabbed her hair yanked back with an unworldly strength, almost giving Alice whiplash. All of her senses that had been draining now came searing back into her brain and she was fully aware that her suicidal plan had become a suicide attempt. She started to half vomit, half cough all the water that had been in her lungs back in the tub and when she finished she saw her shimmering, wavering reflection in the water. Her hair, just moments ago being too frightening to look at was now matted to her face, the long strands dripping. And standing behind her was a small child, a young girl who looked no older than eight. Startled, she turned and looked directly into the hypnotic bright blue eyes of the little girl. She was wearing a dress that matched the color of her eyes that Alice recognized immediately. The little girl’s hair was a soft blondish tint and she had it pulled back into a ponytail. Alice sat on the edge of the tub she had intended to act as her coffin too stunned to speak, trying to rationally figure out how this little girl had gotten into her apartment, and realizing that all rationality had been lost since she woke up.
“Hello mommy,” the little girl said with a sheepish grin on her face.
There was something oddly sinister and at the same time innocent about that faint smile that calmed Alice but made her defensive at the same time. The dress the girl was wearing looked exactly like the one she had worn to a local amusement park with her parents when she was ten. The memory was one she cherished and on lonely nights in her lonely apartment she was would lie in bed and think of the way the sunlight had poured through the trees as she sat in between her laughing parents on a ride that had her spinning indefinitely.
“Why would you try and do something like that mommy?” the girl had asked but Alice barely heard. Her thoughts were on a sunny afternoon when all the pressures of the world had taken a back seat and her father had looked at her and her mother lovingly, a look that was rarely on his face. There was no arguing, or hitting, just bright sunlight and laughter.
The little girl reached up and put her arms around Alice’s neck and Alice instinctively reciprocated the action. The little girl’s arms hung on tight as she lowered her head and whispered into Alice’s ear, “It’s been a long time mommy. I just couldn’t sit here and watch you go through with this. I love you.”
Realization of the moment had slowly fixed in Alice’s mind and she pulled the little girl away from her. She sat there, on the edge of a melodramatic death, looking deeply into the little girl’s eyes, seeing herself in the reflection, seeing her younger self in the girl’s innocent nature and features. A cold chill ran through her. “Who are you honey?” she asked.
“I’m your little girl mommy.”
Finally the word mommy coming out of the little girl’s mouth hit her like the speeding car or ton of bricks or whatever other cliché is relevant. “That’s impossible,” she said.
“No it’s not mommy, you just don’t remember.”
“Remember what honey?”
“The abortion.”
And at that Alice’s head began swimming. Her sight blurred and she fell backwards into the tub of cold uninviting water. The last thought that went through her head was her father, standing above her. Her wrists were bound to the bed. Then she was lying on an operating table in some room that was too bright. There was a pressure in her stomach and then, just deep unforgiving blackness all around her.
wes
To the best of her knowledge Alice had never considered herself suicidal until this moment and as she sat on the edge of the toilet, watching the tub fill with water, she wondered why this was. It wasn’t like her life was that great. After both her parents died when she was seventeen she had had nowhere else to turn to. She dropped out of school and got a job delivering cheaply made greeting cards to independently owned and operated businesses who would deal in such a thing. The work itself was easy and it paid like any easy job would, making her live paycheck to paycheck.
Being an orphan at age seventeen and having no one willing to take you in forcing you to go to work and make your own way would kill anyone’s social life, and Alice was no exception. Not that there had been a social life in place to begin with. And now Alice lived alone, in an apartment that had exactly one kitchen, bedroom and a small bathroom in which the tub was now full.
As Alice slowly lowered her fully clothed self into the uninviting cold water, her mind was completely blank. She plunged her face downwards and sucked in a mouthful of bath water. The sudden realization of the brashness of her decision came rushing to her, but Alice dared not to simply raise her head, saving herself from this self appointed fate. The face looking back at her from the mirror was still sharp in her mind; her sleepy eyes and that crazy hair. How could she possibly walk out of her house like that?
The water filled her lungs and she started trying to cough it back out to no avail. It was too late for poor Alice. All she could do was think of how deserving she was of her watery grave. A life with the ideas of happiness and community had been either unfairly taken from her, or had been traded away from her by some force greater than herself. She started to black out.
*******
The hands that had grabbed her hair yanked back with an unworldly strength, almost giving Alice whiplash. All of her senses that had been draining now came searing back into her brain and she was fully aware that her suicidal plan had become a suicide attempt. She started to half vomit, half cough all the water that had been in her lungs back in the tub and when she finished she saw her shimmering, wavering reflection in the water. Her hair, just moments ago being too frightening to look at was now matted to her face, the long strands dripping. And standing behind her was a small child, a young girl who looked no older than eight. Startled, she turned and looked directly into the hypnotic bright blue eyes of the little girl. She was wearing a dress that matched the color of her eyes that Alice recognized immediately. The little girl’s hair was a soft blondish tint and she had it pulled back into a ponytail. Alice sat on the edge of the tub she had intended to act as her coffin too stunned to speak, trying to rationally figure out how this little girl had gotten into her apartment, and realizing that all rationality had been lost since she woke up.
“Hello mommy,” the little girl said with a sheepish grin on her face.
There was something oddly sinister and at the same time innocent about that faint smile that calmed Alice but made her defensive at the same time. The dress the girl was wearing looked exactly like the one she had worn to a local amusement park with her parents when she was ten. The memory was one she cherished and on lonely nights in her lonely apartment she was would lie in bed and think of the way the sunlight had poured through the trees as she sat in between her laughing parents on a ride that had her spinning indefinitely.
“Why would you try and do something like that mommy?” the girl had asked but Alice barely heard. Her thoughts were on a sunny afternoon when all the pressures of the world had taken a back seat and her father had looked at her and her mother lovingly, a look that was rarely on his face. There was no arguing, or hitting, just bright sunlight and laughter.
The little girl reached up and put her arms around Alice’s neck and Alice instinctively reciprocated the action. The little girl’s arms hung on tight as she lowered her head and whispered into Alice’s ear, “It’s been a long time mommy. I just couldn’t sit here and watch you go through with this. I love you.”
Realization of the moment had slowly fixed in Alice’s mind and she pulled the little girl away from her. She sat there, on the edge of a melodramatic death, looking deeply into the little girl’s eyes, seeing herself in the reflection, seeing her younger self in the girl’s innocent nature and features. A cold chill ran through her. “Who are you honey?” she asked.
“I’m your little girl mommy.”
Finally the word mommy coming out of the little girl’s mouth hit her like the speeding car or ton of bricks or whatever other cliché is relevant. “That’s impossible,” she said.
“No it’s not mommy, you just don’t remember.”
“Remember what honey?”
“The abortion.”
And at that Alice’s head began swimming. Her sight blurred and she fell backwards into the tub of cold uninviting water. The last thought that went through her head was her father, standing above her. Her wrists were bound to the bed. Then she was lying on an operating table in some room that was too bright. There was a pressure in her stomach and then, just deep unforgiving blackness all around her.
wes
posted by idlehours at 12:26 PM
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